Whatever I Am Rewind part 1

Screaming Tara is sure  having a lot of bad luck, come to think of it, if it wasn't for bad luck she'd have no luck at all. I think Pam will now stop being an absentee parent, since she can't resist straightening  a stupid bitch out. 

That Salome, what a lucky bitch, she boinks Bill against a concrete wall while she is in a black peignoir, then Eric in a beige one THEN Roman all nekid, I sure hoped she used some hygiene products in between. Her life seems to have been spent using sex as a weapon, she gives love a bad name too but if something works you stick with it. She just wants to make new friends in case this mainstreaming Roman thing goes south, she's just so friendly. She knew all about Nora, Eric and Godric too, I don't think she shared this info with Roman. She seems to have her own vagenda and is the wacked out sexed up vamp Machiavelli. 

Ok back to do the thing we do when we do it- Recap Rewind! 

EW's long recap at the link, as usual just posting what stands out to me. One big irk last night was the reveal (after 4 years?) that Eric met Bill before, IRRRRRRKKKK. OK I feel better.  
Sookie went to Pam to beg her to summon Tara, because she and Lafayette couldn't catch her on their own. Pam was too busy texting and trying to figure out why Eric hadn't been home in four days to be bothered. After their shoving match (Sookie won), Sookie had to wait until the next day to listen to Sam's thoughts and hear that he was trying to think of anything, like her boobs, (wasnt that stupid? Sam has so much on his plate with Luna, that Sookie is not even an afterthought, except in her own mind) other than the walk-in freezer where he'd put Tara. Eventually, Tara awoke, pissed off as ever. She hinted to Alcide that there was something Sookie wasn't telling him, threatened to rip everyone's throats out if they didn't leave her alone, and vanished. She ended up at the Curl Up & Fry tanning salon trying to commit suicide in a tanning bed. (So that's why we saw Bill, Eric, Nora, and the baby eater under the UV lights in their cells, to see how much that would hurt.) "You stupid b----," Pam said, sensing what Tara was doing. I assume she'll reluctantly save her.
If I zoomed through that bit, it's because this Tara story line still feels just like a roundabout way to have Pam flashback to 1905, and being turned by Eric. Eric came into Pam's San Francisco brothel, and though she offered him any of her ladies, including Rubber Ruby, he wanted her. She said a good merchant doesn't compete with her merchandise, and he said a good customer knows everything has its price. In this case, that was Eric getting rid of the vampires who'd been draining her girls -- Bill and his maker, Lorena. (Did y'all laugh at Bill's bravado, what a dork he was).
Eric burst in right as Bill was about to finish the job on an artery conveniently located near the groin, and Bill jumped up to defend Lorena. "Lorena, you procreated. He is protective. How sweet," Eric said. So this was the first time he met Bill. Eric was prepared to stake him, but seeing how brave, loyal, and strong he was for a vampire so young, he thought it'd be a waste to punish Bill with the true death just because his maker hadn't taught him to respect his elders. Lorena apologized to Eric, and he said it was Pam to whom she owed an apology. And $500 for every girl they'd drained, Pam added. Eric smiled, again appreciating how fearless she is. Bill and Lorena exited, and Pam told Eric, "I believe we have a debt to settle." He smiled, walked to her, grabbed her, and kissed her gently, spinning them out of frame toward her bedroom. Pam cried a single tear in her coffin at the memory. (Pimping ain't easy, even back then) 
I might as well just condense my recap, she says after a cup of espresso-here's goes.

The comparison with dork Bill and all business professional King Bill came out in one line to me, "We consigned him to the ground", in reference to the Osama Bin Laden of Sanguinistas, Russell. Meloni continued to play Roman for laughs, maybe it's only me but I'm loving his over the top one liners. When he said Steve was NewNanFlanigan and then added Feed, Fuck, Kill (so Pam-like and wouldn't he love her?) to his repertoir. Talk dirty to me Stabler, oh baby. It sure seems like Salome Salami r turned Aimee Semple McNewlin too, she's as smart as she is crazy and that is very. I used some of Skarsgardfans screencaps as usual, others from HBO.

Harnessing fuck up #1 and 2 has an app, as well as a new career as gogo boys in any leather bar in NYC. Meanwhile back at Merlotte's Tara who went to Sam for help (how sweet was that?) drinks up a months supply of TrueBlood then faints and as anyone would do, Sam puts her in the walk-in. Zapping over to Bon Temps newest sex symbol Andy, thanks to trashy Holly's trashy kids putting his bare ass pics on Facebook. I think Andy is kind of happy about that and asks Holly to go steady, sheesh, way to dis the woodfairy Bellefleur. When will we see her again and her 1/2 bellefleur litter?
The Pelts are searching for Debbie, give Andy a photo to ask around, of course Sookie denies, denies, denies. Lala is nervousing and says "our asses is going to jail" and " these beans is as cold as titties in a brass bra" (that should have been the title of this blog or my autobiography when I write it.). The Pelts go to Alcide who, surprisingly, pronounces abjure correct this time. This shocks the parents and Al adds she's back on the V, which they're not buying.

Jason is food shopping and meets his old teach (first grade? I kid, lol), Mary Kay Letourneau, seems like she might have been his first, they hook up. He thinks Podiatrist and Psychiatrist are pretty much the same thing, oh Jason, don't ever change or loose that hard, round ass. Hey, was that cat a cat or a shifter as a cat? Jason has an epiphany and realizes he has a hole in his life that he fills with sex, isn't a mechanical bull and what is wrong with that? He tells that to Jessica who realizes he is her friend above all else. 

Jessica has smelled NewClaude in a Boutique where she is buying her new look. She runs after Claude who speeds off, yet she tracks him to a field where he poofed. Why he didnt  just zap her with his jazz hands I do not know.  
The other white meat, I mean the other Bellefleur, Terry has not come home the last night. Arlene cried all night ya'll and T still won't tell her about Iraq and goes off with Patrick on a super secret mission. 
Surprise! Now Sookie can easily read shifter's minds, wow, after 4 years of their garbled thoughts, she is on a roll. Tara has a dream that she eats Arlene, wakes up thanks Sam and skips out on fuckin' Sookie, who thanks Sam too. Is Sookie (so far this season) a waste of space? Pam is in her pink Malibu Barbie's coffin, you know they make them, and recollecting her turning. 

This is where we see the dumbass Bill and Lorena being dumbasses, draining Pam's girls. Lil Bill's all puffy chested facing up to Eric, oh they give us laughs. Lorena grovels to save her and Puffy, Eric makes her Rupaulogize to Pam and Pam's adds a price it, which Eric loves. You can see him thinking this woman can make me money in some capacity in the future, but Pam is thinking a whore's life ends in disease and sorrow and wants to be turned. 

To expedite her desire she slits her wrists, good thing she is a good reader of people and vamps, because we know Eric won't let her die-die. Even though he says it's too much a commitment for this "honorable vampire and intelligent whore". 
Hoyt gets his guyliner on and goes to Fangtasia, I think this is where he starts his redneck antivamp routine with some hillbillies. 

Pam looks at him sadly and thinks this is all about his broken hearted rebound. It is, but he also has more in mind, like vengeance. 

Lala gets slapped around by Tara (hee), Alcide and Arllene see this and know they turned Tara and are disgusted by this. 
Bill tells Eric something about sloppy seconds, little do they know it was thirds too, ew. Seemed Like Roman and Sal share the same quarters too, hope he avoided the wet spot, but wouldnt it be wet with blood?
Lafayette is upset by Arlene yelling at him and he is ashamed too about what they did to Tara and guess what? Jesus Abuelo's demon comes visiting and pours bleach in the gumbo! Lala ses himself in the mirror and snaps out of it. Poor lost orphaned vamp Tara is just wandering around Bon Temp and breaks into a Salon and goes to the tanning bed to kill herself, again she is screaming (I couldnt help it but like the silver spraying I was laughing) this finally gets Pam into sire mode. After all she had her remembrance of her making with reluctant Eric and she curses off Tara but we know she'll run to save the stupid bitch. I have to rewatch again, but I thought it was good, and no dull moments at all. I know I left out things but this was long enough as it is. Oh, as far as continuity goes, shouldn't Eric have had long hair??? Though he looked like a young handsome Nucky Thompson that isnt how we saw Eric roll in the past. Tons screencaps HERE, at Skarsgardfans.