Monday, July 16, 2012

Hopeless Fangover

How absolutely fanfuckintastic was Denis O'Hare in Hopeless? The writers (Alan Ball) love him too, he had the best lines and got to say them in his jammies-
In such a slow drawl-What took you so loooonnng.
You're just what the doctor ordered.
I'm the only honest one here. I want to gorge on human blood, not because some fu-king bible tells me to, but because I like it! It's fun, it makes my dick hard!
You're fucking worse than humans. You might as well be praying to leprechauns or unicorns, or the mother fucking Kardashians! That makes just as much sense.
Peace is for pussies!

                         Oh YES! The Return of the King (minus the annoying hobbits).
Alfre Woodard's short scene was great too, made me remember what a joy she is in any role, even this gaga Ruby. Wish we had more Lafayette this season, the funny quick witted Lala is missed.
Screencaps from Skarsgardfans and HBO, Gifs- Huffpo, Tempella, if I missed one, let me know.
Ike and Marcellus,  no longer Fuck Up 1 and 2 but the guys who took down Russell Edgington, they had that title a hot minute. Eric scenes-

A bit of Buzzsugar's recapLeast successful glamours: Despite a last-minute werewolf attack, the gang leads the Authority to the ailing but ever-spunky Russell Edgington. Bill agrees to glamour Sookie so she knows nothing of Russell's capture, but instead he just pretends. The fake glamour is much more emotionally damaging than if he'd actually done it for real, and his bittersweet demand that she forget all about him and Eric is heartbreaking. Meanwhile, Eric does actually glamour Alcide, throwing in a tidbit about how he's not to touch Sookie in a romantic way, and she'll be disgusting to him.
Most promising story line: With all the insanity happening in the True Blood universe, the mystery I'm most excited to uncover is what really happened to Sookie's parents. Who is the vampire that killed them? Could it have been Bill?Edit: Whoa, I did'nt even think of this, it could be the impetus that brings us Bad Bill. I did say that it looked like Claudine on the bridge in the rain and made jokes about it being Karl Urban in Priest, Moyer's movie. Now I see Bill because of this article, shocker if it is.

                            How funny was this scene? GIF Source
My brother from another mother, Michael K made Ruby Jean Hot Slut of the Day! It's Tuesday but I am just now reading news (yes gossip sites are my news), preaching to the choir like Lettie Mae.
Ruby Jean Reynolds (as played to messy perfection by Alfre Woodard), Lafayette's Jesus-loving, schizophrenic, homo-hating mother on True Blood. I'm happy that Lost's the Smoke Monster is getting work on cable TV, but True Blood is overdosing on story lines and they need to cut some shit to focus on what's really important. I don't need another scene from that annoying fairy club of dumb fairies doing a stupid fairy lambada dance choreographed by Abby Lee Miller. I don't need to see derpy dough person Hoyt getting his neck sucked AGAIN while dressed like Avril Lavigne. And I really don't need to see Eric's crazy sister on her knees (bitch is always on her knees) and praying to Lilith Crane. But what I really need is more of Eric caressing Alcide's cheek (more on that beautiful moment later, I hope) and RUBY JEAN REYNOLDS!!!
Alfre deserves all the Emmys for the side-eye-inducing sass she spit during one of the best scenes from last night's episode. I mean, this line right here needs to be hand-stitched on a throw pillow:

Ruby Jean needs her own spin-off show where she recaps the entire True Blood episode from her mental hospital bed while Lafayette rolls his eyes next to her. More Ruby Jean, less everything else!
Brian's AE recap, it is much longer at the link, hard to choose what to post there's so many goodies-
Meanwhile, Sookie reconnects with NuClaude (they explain away his recasting to Giles Matthey in the most awesomely fairy way imaginable - soap operas should use this trick!) and his sexy sisters, Claudette,Claudwina, Claudrains , Iclaudius, and Claudehopper. (There's also cousin Claudeball, but nobody ever talks about her.) Actually, you could count me in as a Claudhopper now, because boyfriend's lookin' kinda clever these days. He assures Sookie that he and his sistahs defected from Queen Maab's human-enslaving regime (sound familiar, vamps?) and also vaguely insults Sookie as having an "overgrown baby head" or something. I have no idea, because within seconds Sookie is trying to read Hadley's mind (EMPTY EXERCISE, I ASSURE YOU) and Claude's (he's hiding something) about her parents.
Claude spins a yarn about her parents coming across some vampire in a Carmen San Diego outfit on a bridge during a rainstorm - and said vampire was attracted to their car because of - wait for it - a CHILDREN's BAND-AID with Sookie's blood on it in the backseat. Are you KIDDING ME?! Not to be indelicate, but if vamps were THAT tuned-in to Sookie's blood, she would have to avoid more than just camping in bear territory at certain times of the month.
Anyway, Sookie's buying exactly as much as I am, because she tries to zap them all - it misfires, and then all of Claude's relatives (including Jeanclaudevandamme) focus their fairy iPhone Flashlight Apps at her. Seriously, what does a girl have to do to get an Orange Marizpan shooter in this joint?!
So the fifth Charlaine Harris book's shifter sniper storyline kicked in last week, and it looked like poor, sweet Luna had pranced her last prance. Thankfully, she hasn't - she and Sam are wheeled into the ER as Emma prances her puppy paws to grandmother's house - Li'l Red style - for shelter. Later, Meemaw Martha  brings Emma to see her mama, and says that she just wants to be a part of her grandwolf's life. I don't buy it. Sam excuses his fine furry self (no rear-view hospital gown shot, unfortunately) to speak with Andy, to whom he pleads to let him join the hunt for the shifter sniper, insisting that his skills could come in handy. Andy isn't buying it. Oh - and Sam is preeeeeetty sure it's humans doing this because he could smell them. 

Luna asks Meemaw to keep Emma safe until she and Sherlock Homingpigeon figure out who the shifter-killers are. Sam says, "You have no idea what it's like to have people want to kill you just because of who you are" and we're getting the point, kids. Unfortunately, the Westboro Baptist Church doesn't have the money for premium cable, so you are preaching to the frigging choir here. Peter Mensah, Kibwe,  with his Spartacus co-stars Nick and Manu during Comic Con

Meredith of io9 has her pros and cons up, all at the link. Screencaps from HomeoftheNutty 
Pro: Back to Russell! Our main villain has no intention of being anyone's idol, and delivers this amazing bit of dialogue, "You're fucking worse than human. You might as well be praying to leprechauns or unicorns or the motherfucking Kardashians. That makes just as much sense!"
Pro: The Authority member in the cute little beret orders the glamouring of all non-vamps. Which means Eric and Alcide almost kiss. Alcide is so good at looking so puppy pissed. There is so much quality face holding in this episode alone, and we're only nine minutes in!
Pro: Bill and Eric are carted off by the Vampire Authority. Bill takes this time to brown nose all over the closet vampire-praising Lilith. Meanwhile Eric says what we are all thinking, "Lilith can fucking blow me."
Pro: Sookie and Jason find the fairy club. While I'm less than thrilled to be following the fairy story, Jason's line was pretty great: "Give me my sister back you fairy fuckers!"
Pro: Junior was watching Hillbilly Handfishin' while selling his supernatural killing wares. Of Course He Is!
Pro: Sam saves Andy's life, because he can smell "survivor mode." I. Die.
Pro: The fairies admit that they are dressed like Disney characters. It's like they're inside my brain!

RIP Roman's Ass, Meloni still doing it for me, notice he was in head to toe Nike?


  1. That vampire is simply too tall to be Bill. It doesn't make sense for the vampire to be Bill, Eric or even Russell. We'll see though I suppose.

  2. Don't you think because of the hidden face that it's someone we know?
    If not Bill, you have any guesses? Could be someone who is now dead-dead too, like Franklin. I don't like this change to vamps killing their parents at all, unless it is a big misdirect.

  3. I don't mind the changes. The changes keep things interesting and in some ways less convoluted than the books. The problem is how the show has already established things and making one of the vampires we currently know responsible for the act is really lazy. Bill only just got proof of fairy existence when he went to the fairy realm. Eric got confirmation after Bill. Russell knew but thought they were all gone until recently.

    That, coupled with the fact that both shippers want the vampire to be revealed as Eric or Bill seems like a hand out if it goes that route. Considering Russell is already hated by the Stackhouses, and putting Bill or Eric seems like favoring one fandom over another, along with retconning a storyline it would be wisest and smartest in my opinion to make it someone else.

  4. I could care less about shippers, do you think Ball does? If Bill is going to be a good villain (rumored for next season) this sure gives him a great start. I don't think they care if they contradict past seasons at all to do it, unfortunately.
    It's possible they are setting up a big bad for next season, which I would prefer. It is puzzling why Claudine is on the bridge, where are her fae blasts to save the Stackhouses? Is the vamp after her and they get in the way, wrong place wrong time situation? A few more weeks till we find out I guess.
    I don't mind changes from the books in plots either, the Authority story was ok because it was new and they could do what they wanted with it. If a show creates a canon (like the shifters and wolves turning the first time around puberty or as you stated about the fae/vamps) then flips their own script, it does irk the hell out of me.

  5. And that's what it would feel like to me if the vampire was revealed to be Bill, Eric or even Russell. It would feel like they are flipping the script when there's plenty of other ways to set up Bill, Eric or Russell as a villain that isn't just retconning the story.

    As you said though we will have to wait and see how this plays out.

  6. Girl playing Lilith was Freakin gorgeous...LOL

  7. Maybe fairies killed sookies folks and made cover up that camps did. There r bad fairies too...

  8. In the books it is the fae who did the deed, that's why so many are thinking making it a vamp is bogus. I am going to repost the 'who is bridge vamp' and since Lil is eliminated we have less in the mix, ha! The actress is Jessica Clark, she's a model too, does a garnier commercial with thick hair. Most likely you have seen that.